So...I wrote my own obituary.

[Anna]

Last night I saw a post on facebook about somebody who had passed away. These posts always say what an amazing, outgoing, intelligent and kind person the deceased was. As do their obituaries. I decided in that moment that I should write my own obituary. One that I feel describes the real me. So I did. Enjoy!

Anna Magenot went to be with her Noodly Savior on ________.

She was unfortunately born in Dumas, TX and lived her entire life in the craphole that is Borger, TX. Sometime in her teenage years she married Katie Flores in a small ceremony in Stinnett, TX.

She graduated from West Texas High School in 2007 and went on to attend Frank Phillips College where she obtained her Associate of Applied Science in Information Systems Security. This turned out to be an utter waste of time.

Anna spent most of her days helping run a Hogwarts based roleplay website, talking to the slut that is Carl Cooper, and just being as lazy as possible while avoiding real life. Her hobbies included watching hockey & soccer, oogling attractive men(& the occasional high school boy), eating, spending obscene amounts of time online, watching Antiques Roadshow, and reading.

Ms.Magenot is preceded in death by anybody she was able to drag down with her. She is survived by her wife, Katie of Borger; her granddaughter Krista Aoki of Hilo, HI; her father Mitchell of Borger; her dipshit brother Donny of Borger; her eldest brother Tony of somewhere in California; and many other relatives who probably don't even know she's dead nor care. She rests peacefully knowing everyone who has survived her will join her in the pits of hell soon enough.

A private memorial service will be held at ______ on ______ at ________ o'clock. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests you bring a stick to poke the corpse with.

[Isoba Dumisani Wyebourne]

And it was GLORIOUS! Your Noodly Savior is smiling down upon you.


I, too, wrote mine a while ago. And here it is.

Alex Black, longtime beerpong connoisseur and an enthusiast of infiltrating zoo exhibits, met a tragic but well deserved end today when he misread 'bear enclosure' as 'beer enclosure' and found himself trying to do a barrel stand on top of two bear cubs. Though family and friends say he will be missed, they are hasty to addendum that phrase with "because his chronic kleptomania kept a roof over all our heads". The fact that this roof was made of things he stole was not mentioned out of respect for the deceased, though it was heavily implied by all the glares at the coffin. Despite all warnings that this violated the laws of common decency, Alex's will insisted on an open casket funeral so long as 'my remains look gnarly. Like, really, really gnarly brah like gonna haunt you in your sleep for ages' and, unfortunately for everyone involved, it was a legally binding contract. Alex will be missed by several flamingos. We would pray for his soul, but we know it far, far too late for that.

A private memorial service will be open to the public, held at Disneyland Park where he will be rigged up inside the Haunted Mansion to the delight of absolutely no one.

[Anna]

Hahahaha love it! "We would pray for his soul, but we know it far, far too late for that." That's my favorite line I think. Just sums it up well. More people need to write their obituaries like this.